Caffiene is Healthy?!

So I read that caffiene prevents skin cancer and is actually healthy for your blood vessels and all that. Crazy, huh?

So I think I might go buy a gallon of Mountain Dew and rub it all over my face.



But somehow, I don't think that is what they meant...

Song Of The Day - Modest Mouse "Missed the Boat"

So I've actually decided to make my blog about something!! I'm going to iterate every day a song of my choice, and explain it with my meaning or my opinion of what the artist was saying. Today I start with Modest Mouse "Missed The Boat."

This song is one of my favorite songs by the band, and it truly explains life, when you feel you've done everything that you can do. Or even when your dreams come to a sudden halt, and nothing seems to be right. I'll start off by showing the lyrics, and then in a smaller black font, I'll interpret my meaning, followed by the video.

"Missed The Boat"

While we're on the subject
Could we change the subject now?
I was knocking on your ear's door but you were always out
Looking towards the future
We were begging for the past
Well we knew we had the good things
But those never seemed to last
Oh please just last
I think this has to do with getting lost in our dreams,
never paying attention to what is going on at this very moment.
Hoping that every good memory or fantasy, we can truly hold on to.

Everyone's unhappy
Everyone's ashamed
Well we all just got caught looking
At somebody else's page
Well nothing ever went
Quite exactly as we planned
Our ideas held no water
But we used them like a dam
We look to much at other people, and
we don't pay enough attention to ourselves.
"I want to be like just like them someday"
and we go off into a dream world.

Oh, and we carried it all so well
As if we got a new position
Oh, and I laugh all the way to hell
Saying yes, this is a fine promotion
Oh, and I laugh all the way to hell
I don't really know where to go with this one?
I'm thinking it's more along the lives of denial, and
saying that everything we get isn't worth the trouble.
Like a constant stream of bad luck, and trying to laugh it off.

Of course everyone goes crazy
Over such and such and such
We made ourselves a pillar
We just used it as a crutch
We were certainly uncertain
At least I'm pretty sure I am
Well we didn't need the water
But we just built that good God dam
Finally we break down. But, of course, we try to stay sane.
We try to keep ourselves whole, but we are still faking it.
We don't really know where who we are, but we try to come up with
something. As for the water and dam? Over compensating for the
dream we lost.

Oh, and I know this of myself
I assume as much for other people
Oh, and I know this of myself
We've listened more to life's end gong
Than the sound of life's sweet bliss
So we think we know it all now, been there
done that. Now we deal with it.

Was it ever worth it?
Was there all that much to gain?
Well we knew we missed the boat
And we'd already missed the plane
We didn't read the invite
We just dance at our wake
All our favorites were playing
So we could shake, shake, shake, shake, shake
Was it ever worth it? All the trouble to try. Should've realised
a long time ago, that it wasn't going to happen. So now
just try to hold on to the memories, and dance.
Or "shake, shake, shake, shake, shake!"

Tiny curtains open and we heard the tiny clap of little hands
A tiny man would tell a little joke and get a tiny laugh from all the folks
Sitting drifting around in bubbles and thinking it was us that carried them
When we finally got it figured out that we had truly missed the boat
watching someone else, living what should be our lives.
and the pain seems to start again.

Oh, and we carried it all so well
As if we got a new position
Oh, and we owned all the tools ourselves
But not the skills to make a shelf with
Oh, what useless tools ourselves
but maybe we'll turn it around? We seemed to ok for the longest
time. But who are we kidding?

Hunting.

So, lately I feel as if I've forced Kyle to start looking at rings for me. When we decided to get married, and he asked me, it was sort of a spur of the moment thing. Not a bad, spur of the moment, we didn't decide for random or wrong reasons. I think he asked me early because he felt he had enough guts to ask the question then. Better sooner than later... wait, that's not right. Well, I guess I'm saying that it's better that he asked me at all. My sister's dad, never got around to asking my mom to marry him, and they were together for 12 years. Sad, huh?

Well, anyways, Kyle has been doing his research on his own a lot. I went looking one day when I was at the mall, just because. I found one that I liked, and showed it to him online. After that I barely brought it up, only when someone was talking about marriage or jewelry.This past month, I've been noticing Kyle's curiosity about diamonds, if that's just what it is. He talks to his friend at work, who, I believe, used to work at Nebraska Diamond. And the other day I woke up to him using a "design your own ring" website. When I discovered that, I got a little excited, and when we took our trip to the mall, to use a giftcard we had. I made him stop in a couple of jewelry stores to gander. I know he still has to work at getting his debt and medical bills payed off, but I'm a woman, and I got excited. I'm not forcing him into anything, I just like to look.

I guess the reason I think about it more now, is because we plan on getting married next fall of 2010. I understand that it's still over a year away, but I'm getting anxious to start planning things. I'm considering just having a small wedding with close family and our best friends in a random country. What do you think about Australia? Why not? I get free hotels, right?

click here to see where I'm running off too.

My Problems From Yesterday.

I had an ok day, pretty much. Kyle has the whole weekend off, including last night through Monday night. Since I have to work in the morning on the weekend, he usually hangs out with his buddies or just relaxes at home. Last night we went to dinner with his friend and fiance at TGIFriday's. After Dinner, the guys and gals split up, Erin and I went to see the new movie Marley and Me. Which was an amazing movie btw, but be prepared, and bring a lot of tissues. The guys, being 21, went to the bar. I guess it was all their old friends they grew up with partying last night.

So after the movie we head back to Erin's apartment, to discover that she didn't have her keys on her, and we had to wait for her Kyle to come and let us in. When he got there, I noticed that he was close to being drunk, and Erin is really strict with him, so she was getting mad at him. And if I wasn't there, I'm sure there would've been an all out brawl. It really bothered me that he kept sucking up to her, and trying to kiss her and hug her. I honestly couldn't tell whether he was being himself or drunk. But I did notice something else.

The way they were arguing was too harsh. He just automatically gives her whatever she wants, not to shut her up, he's that whipped. She controls him, and yells a bit too much. Last night I finally realized why everything falls apart for me and Kyle. It's not because God hates us, or because we did or are going to do something really bad in our lives. It's because we're being tested, or at least that's my opinion. I watch our friends argue and yell at eachother because he left his phone at the bar, and had to go back to get it, (most likely on purpose). And then I look at Kyle and I, we never yell. We might raise our voices and slam an occasional door, but within 15 minutes everything is calm again. One of us aplogizes, and we talk about it, sometimes the talk goes back into the argument, but we work through everything.

Our friends have damn near everything, Kyle's buddy has this great job as an electrician's apprentice, which Kyle has been trying to get into for years. Erin has a great job at a bank, and is starting school soon, which their parents help with everything. And they don't have major money problems or real shitty jobs. Kyle and I have all the above, on top of terrible hours which causes us to never see eachother. I fall asleep by myself almost everynight, and wake up to Kyle coming home. I get ready for work and leave within the hour. When I come home from work he sleeps till 7 and then goes to work at 8:30. So the most I get to see him is for 2hours a day. It gets pretty lonely.

So I figure with all these problems, we're being pushed to get through it together, so that in the future we can handle anything. If Kyle's friends were to ever have problems like us, their relationship wouldn't be able to take it. I guess it gives me optimism for our relationship and our future.

But I guess my biggest problem with yesterday, since I never got to it, I'll make it short, is that my boyfriend is 21, and I'm only 19. So he was out all night, in fact he didn't make it home. Now, I trust him, and I know he was having fun with friends he hasn't seen in years. But when I woke up to an empty bed, again, at 3am, it really upset me. I called him, and he was still partying, and I knew he wasn't making it home that night, so I snapped at him, and then hung up on him. I was ok with him staying the night, because I didn't want him or anyone else driving drunk. But I guarentee that his friend Richard is going to be a jerk and talk about me behind my back, because I wanted Kyle home last night, and I didn't want whoever was driving to drink a lot. (I also heard him mocking me in the background at an earlier phone call, after the movie). Ugh... so this morning I felt guilty for hanging up on him, and sent him a text saying sorry, and that I hope to see him when I get home today. He said he'd be home as soon as possible. Too bad I'm at work.